Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel

Year 3 Day304

4th Day of 10 Days of Awe and Repentance

“If, to be sure-as is often the case among us-instead of deliberate decision we have a coerced conversion; instead of a conscious truthfulness, a self-conscious conformity; instead of remorse over the lost past, a longing for it; then this so-called return is but a retreat, a phase.” (Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity pg 69)

Shana Tova! G’Mar Tov! A good year for us all, much better than this last one as a people and as individuals. A good seal, finish to the 10 Days of Awe, 10 Days of Repentance are the sayings and responses at this time of year among Jews. Yet, how can we say this when we are not living “repentance is a decision made in truthfulness, remorse, and responsibility” as I wrote about on Wednesday of last week? How can we say these greetings, these wishes when we are not making a “deliberate decision” to engage in repentance and forgiveness? I submit that we can’t!

Rabbi Heschel’s words from 88 years ago haunt me and, hopefully, are haunting you. He calls out the Jewish community of Berlin at a time when being Jewish was an act of bravery and, he is not okay with “coerced conversion”. When we are Jewish because of the anti-semites, this is a “coerced conversion”. When we go to Temple on the High Holidays out of some superstition, we are being coerced. When we wave the Israeli Flag and say Am Yisroel Chai, the Jewish People Live as if we are one people with the same thinking and feelings because of Hamas, Iran, Hezbollah, this is also a “coerced conversion”. Any display of Jewishness, any doing of ritual because ‘it is written’, because ‘they are coming to get us’, because ‘I am superstitious’, because ‘my mother would kill me if I don’t go to shul for the High Holy Days’(even though she has been dead for years), it is a “coerced conversion”.

When we say ‘I’m sorry’ without really having remorse, this is a “coerced conversion”. When we use the formula that the Rabbis provide for the days before Yom Kippur-“If I have done anything to harm you in this past year, please forgive me” without doing our own “accounting of our souls”, we are engaged in a “coerced conversion”. When we beat our chests on Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur without knowing and acknowledging in our inner life, in our minds the truthfulness of our transgressions, we are engaging in a “coerced conversion”. When we guilt people into giving to sustain the Temple community without knowing what the people need nor providing a space to learn and wrestle with the opposing viewpoints, without providing a space for people to argue with one another and within themselves to find the truth, we are leading a “coerced conversion”. When we promote a Temple for it’s being ‘the way’ we are promoting a “coerced conversion” atmosphere.

Be it MAGA, the Far Right in Israel, Bibi, Orban, Putin, Trump who all seem to get along and admire(?) one another; all of these movements and people are engaging in “coerced conversion” to a way of being that denies living into the promise of the Exodus from Egypt-Slavery will end!! All of these people and movements are coercing their followers into believing lies and deceptions, feeding their desire and hunger for self-deception because a “deliberate decision” to repent, to change, to live into the truth of one’s own life and the truth of Biblical teachings is so damn hard! It is easier to buy the lies of those who say ‘don’t worry, “I am your retribution”, who remind us that “you need me”, who soothe us with “I will take care of you”-all the time knowing they only care for the rich and powerful, are interested in their own power, and the power of their white supremacist partners who believe in a Christian Nation-which Jews have always done well under, which Blacks have flourished under, which Latinos have never been coerced into converting to Christianity under, etc. We are so afraid of a deliberate decision that we choose to a “coerced conversion” because someone else is doing the work for us, we foolishly believe we can just skate by, not realizing that every authoritarian has always made it difficult for those of us who are ‘different’ and for the poor, the needy, the stranger, the widow, the orphan.

Making a “deliberate decision” is hard, it means I have to look at what other people are saying, their feelings, their experiences of our interactions and find the truth for me in them. While none of us can control the outcomes, none of us can control the feelings of another, we do know what is in our hearts, what is in our souls, what is in our minds. In looking back over this past year, years, we have to opportunity to see what was in these entities at the times of our interactions. We have the gift of being able to empathize with the feelings of another and know they are their feelings and interpretations of events and, though I may have a different one, I have to make my amends for my part that caused the friction, the separation-without taking their part, without telling them how they could have interpreted the events, etc. In making a “deliberate decision” to repent “in truthfulness, remorse, and responsibility”, I have to allow that I am not the arbiter of all the facts, I am not the responsible for the entire problem-only my part and I need to own, be remorseful for my part and seek forgiveness.

I made a “deliberate decision” in February/March of 1987 and have lived into it ever since. I still screw up-full stop! I still do a daily accounting of my soul-many times as I write this blog. One of the benefits of making this “deliberate decision” is that I no longer see myself as a VICTIM! I also no longer see myself as a victimizer! I see my humanity, my fragility, my errors and my victories. I also do not need to keep apologizing over and over again for the same error. A “deliberate decision” gives me and everyone the opportunity to make our amends, ask for forgiveness, and be done-no longer hanging on to the guilt, no longer needed to experience “coerced conversion” because I have made a “deliberate decision”, I/we have turned my/our lives over to a higher consciousness and a higher way of living, a higher logic and to my/our soul’s knowing rather than living in “coerced conversion”, in mendacity and self-deception the ways I/we have been. A friend asked me if I do this work myself and I said YES, every day. I have sent emails of repentance that are “deliberate decisions” I made to clean up the barnacles that were weighing me down which just came to light, with people whom hurt me and that is unimportant because I was also wrong and I have to be responsible for my part without needing confirmation by another person. I am clean, I am misunderstood by some and I am clean within myself and I know me better because of my “deliberate decision”. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark