Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel

Year 3 Day 351

“It remains a question whether the full development of the personality is either desirable or possible. There may be aspects of one’s personality which do not deserve to be fully developed… To help an individual to satisfy the urge and compulsion of personal development is to act according to the law of life. Yet such help must not be given blindly, but rather in full consideration of a direction and greater meaning. (Insecurity of Freedom pg. 65)

Today is the day after Thanksgiving in 2024. As my friend and teacher, Rabbi Ed Feinstein says: “The day after a holiday is the most important day. How are you changed because of the celebration/observance?” How are you changed by your experience yesterday, are you more aware of the things you have to be grateful for? Rabbi Heschel’s provocative words above point out a flaw in both religious and secular education as well as the hubris found in human beings, especially in America where ‘you can be anything you want to be’ is such a common refrain. While many psychologists and therapists seem to say that “full development of the personality” is possible and desirable, I think Rabbi Heschel’s first two sentences above merit great consideration and, possibly be grateful that not all “aspects of one’s personality” are “fully developed”!

Diving into these thoughts above causes us to look at and in our own beings. What is the personality we have, what aspects have we developed, are they the ones that need/needed developing, etc. We have become identified and pigeon-holed by the labels we put on ourselves, the descriptors of our personality by another, the ethos of the group(s) we join and or belong to, the faith we adhere to, etc. We are witnessing today a truth that has been with us through time immemorial; the development of one’s personality is stunted by the group-think of the ‘tribe’ they belong to. In some ‘tribes’ it is good to hate, it is powerful to put down another, it is a show of strength to not be held responsible, a man who is a bully, sexually assaults women, thinks of everyone else as dumber and less than they are, etc is worshipped as a god, as an anointed one of Christ, etc. In some ‘tribes’, the literal words of the Bible are used out of context and as a club to keep everyone in line-not with the divine but with the particular religious charlatan in charge. These ‘false prophets’ promote hatred, xenophobia, better than and the lie that they know what God wants and their congregants, the members of their ‘tribe’ have to vote and act in lockstep with the wishes of the Priest, Minister, Rabbi, Imam, etc. Neither of these tribes nor most of the other ones “help an individual to satisfy the urge and compulsion of personal development.” They help a person develop a personality that could be anathema to their authentic self, they help a person develop a ‘false self’ that haunts the individual while serving the ‘group-think’ of the ‘tribe’ and tribal leader.

Which “aspects of your personality” “do not deserve to be fully developed”? All of us have within us greed, hatred, love, generosity, sloth and carefulness, meanness/self-centeredness and kindness and helpfulness, etc. The question that each of us has to answer for ourselves of which aspects “do not deserve to be fully developed” is a difficult one because all of the so-called negative aspects serve a purpose and can help us navigate life’s challenges better than if we did not have them. The phrase “fully developed” is, to me, the key to discerning how to grow and develop into the human being we are meant to be. We have to have a sense of danger and developing it so we detect danger with enough time to protect ourselves, run away, hide, etc is very important and, if it is fully developed, we can become paranoid about everything and everyone, we can lock ourselves up in our homes, we can accost people and harm/attack innocent people for no real reason. We have to develop a sense of self and if we develop this sense of self too much it is very likely we will look down upon another person as not ‘measuring up to the standards we hold dear’, we will see another human being as less than and buy into the bullshit that we are the smartest person in the room. We need to have a sense of ourselves as smart enough to learn and contribute and not so smart that we stop learning and don’t allow another to contribute.

As M.Scott Peck says in the opening words of his book:The Road Less Traveled, “life is difficult”! We are living in “interesting times” as the Chinese proverb teaches, and we have to decide if we truly want our elected officials to be people who have developed the tribal traits I mentioned above to be in charge of our government. We have to decide if we are going to continue to be “a government of the people, by the people and for the people” or if the end of the Civil War will be that a few white men will use their power to enslave and control the rest of us. We have to make a decision to ensure that We, the  People give “help” to these people, who have developed the less kinder and truthful aspects of their personalities fully, not “blindly, but rather in full consideration of a direction and greater meaning” We, the People, have to help them return to living life with a greater meaning and purpose than self-satisfaction, live in ways that rise above deception and mendacity, stand for the real principles of spiritual living rather than the phony ones that return their followers to being pagan idol worshippers. This is happening in our religious communities as well as our secular ones, it is making autocracy more appealing because of the blinders people put on by not “fully developing” their personality traits of “love thy neighbor, care for the stranger, don’t stand idly by the blood of your neighbor, do justly, love mercy, etc”. Rather they are “fully developing” their personality traits of greed, lust, hatred, meanness, etc!!

I know the difference because for a while I “fully developed” the personality trait of ‘victim’ because of my father’s early death and being left feeling alone-no one else understood me, etc. I was angry and thought I deserved whatever I could take because I had been fucked by society, etc. UGH, just writing this and remembering this way of being makes me shudder. Returning the the ways my father taught me to be, the paths he showed me to take, I have let go of this old identity, I have been a victim, at times and this is not my identity. I have made mistakes and I am not a mistake. I have done things that have been inappropriate and I am not inappropriate. Making these distinctions illumine for me that I am not my worst actions, my definition as a human being is made up of the total sum of me, my personality, my way of being and I use my teachers, family, Rabbi Heschel, to help me develop my personality appropriately, to help me develop it “in full consideration of a direction and greater meaning.” God Bless and stay safe-enjoy your leftovers:) Rabbi Mark