Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel

Year 3 Day 253

“It is easy to speak about the things we are committed to; it is hard to communicate; it is hard to communicate the commitment itself. It is easy to convey the resentments we harbor it is hard to communicate the praise, the worship, the sense of the ineffable.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg. 83)

The word “resentment” comes from the French with the original meaning being “to experience an emotion or sensation”,  “to feel deeply”, and only in English did it become “feeling aggrieved by”. With these widely different definitions, Rabbi Heschel’s second sentence above is pregnant with meanings and eye-opening possibilities. It is safe to assume that “it is easy to convey the resentments we harbor” is speaking to the feeling of being aggrieved. Feeling bitterness and or indignation towards someone, some group, some idea, is a cottage industry all across the Globe. Hitler used it well, as did Stalin and Putin is a re-incarnation of the two. Le Pen, Orban, Erdogan, MBS, Netanyahu, Trump, Vance, Johnson feed off of their resentments and stir up the crowds to share their resentments as a means of power seeking and power grabbing. Listening to the political rhetoric in this country is a one-stop shopping spree of bitterness and indignation with no end in sight. What is so amazing about many of these shit-stirrers is they are using God, Jesus, Mohammed, Moses, to bolster their false claims and their indignation, resentments, bitterness and feelings of being aggrieved! How sad, how seriously dangerous and what a desecration of God’s name, of the teachings of so many spiritual guides and teachers.

In the New York Times on July 16, 2024, there was a two page article about how children are cutting off their parents because they are “toxic”. It is another cottage industry where therapists charge these adult children to tell them that the problems in their lives all stem from ‘abusive’ ‘traumatic’ childhood experiences. This is not to say that there is not abusive situations and childhood itself, growing into and out of adolescence is traumatic, it is questionable to this writer, and I believe it would be to Rabbi Heschel, that all of this stems from bad parenting. I know people who were treated horribly by their parents and, in their recovery, in their spiritual journey, find ways to heal the rifts, to take their responsibility and allow their parents and siblings to take theirs. Yet, blaming the parents has been a therapeutic tool for some time now and it seems to be reaching a crescendo. While no parent is perfect, isn’t it important to give the benefit of the doubt to our parents who did not kill us, who fed us, who raised us and who loved us to the best of their ability? “Honor your mother and father” is not in the 10 sayings/commandments because it is a natural state, yet, isn’t this the whole point of life- to go beyond our limitations and boundaries to enhance, nurture the spiritual growth of ourselves and another(s) which is M.Scott Peck’s definition of love? I pray there is a reconciliation as we end the words of the prophet Malachi with: “He (Elijah) will reconcile parents with children and children with parents so there is not total destruction”. We all need to own our parts and stop these “resentments” from blinding us to the whole story, to the good and the not good we have done as children and parents. Owning up to our part and seeking forgiveness, reconnection is how we stave off the destructions that so many people who “feel aggrieved” are trying to bring about, be it the destruction of Jews, of Muslims, of Democracy, of kindness and goodness-we all have a part in making the world whole, either again or for the first time-depending one ones’ belief

If we, however, use the original definitions, then it isn’t so “hard to communicate the praise, the worship, the sense of the ineffable.” Of course it is as we have seen throughout the ages-religion is “the opiate of the masses” and religious rivalries have caused more wars in the history of humanity than any other. Even WWII there were religious overtones to it, hence the Catholic Church did not do everything they could have to stop the extermination of 6 million Jews, and so many others, ie. Gypsy’s, Gays, resistance fighters, etc. In America, no one wanted to go to war “to save the Jews”, an idea promoted by the Christian Nationalists. Even with using the original meanings, “to experience an emotion or sensation”, “to feel deeply”, it is difficult for most human beings to express these experiences. How many times do we get tongue-tied when trying to express the love and joy we have just because we are part of a family, because the person who is our partner makes our life better each day-just by being who they are? How often do we realize how much better a room is because ‘so and so’ just walked in?  What stops us from communicating “the praise”, “the worship”, “the sense of the ineffable”? It is our fear of how that will change us, how we will lose our ‘edge’, naysaying is much safer and having resentments means I don’t have to own my shit and I can blame another. “Praise, worship, the sense of the ineffable” all come to life us up, they give us more awareness and more sharpness, we have a clearer vision and ‘edge’ because we are more comfortable with what we know and never have to prove to another because we Know it in our bones, in our kishkas, in our guts. Changing the ways we encounter the world doesn’t mean we are stupid, it doesn't mean we are naive, it means we want to see more of the story, we are seeking truth and looking at our lives and life itself through a myriad of prisms and making decisions based in reality and based in kindness, based in justice, righteousness, love, compassion and cooperation. We are able to seek out the visions of another(s) because we know we are all pushing/pulling in the same direction-toward a greater sense of the ineffable.

I have lived both sides of this coin of resentment. Living the “feeling aggrieved” has always left me empty, miserable and alone/lonely. Nothing good has come from this state except it has given me the awareness of my need to end my ‘poor me’ attitude. I felt aggrieved when my father died and rode it for over 20 years. I felt aggrieved at my mother’s inability to see me for who I am and I rode that for the same 20+ years. In my recovery, I left that side of resentment, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. Resentments have not been the long-lasting fuel of my life anymore-I feel them and I let them go much quicker, thank God and I do this through “Praise, Worship, the Sense of the Ineffable”. I wake up with and in gratitude, I sit down to write this blog with a joy and excitement of what I am going to learn today and I send out “good vibrations” “deep feelings” of being blessed and being loved. I forgave my mother for her shortcomings a long time ago and they don’t run my life anymore, my father’s death still stings as I would love to have one more talk with him and I hear him each day speaking to me, with joy and with wisdom. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark