Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel

Year 3 Day 240

“What a person lives by is not only a sense of belonging but also a sense of indebtedness. The need to be needed corresponds to a fact: something is asked of man, of every man.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg.78)

Rabbi Heschel is reminding us of one of the foundational aspects of being human; “the need to be needed”. Every human being has this need and it is built into our spiritual DNA and our emotional DNA and possibly our physical DNA. No one wants to nor can one thrive without fulfilling this basic need which leads to both great connections and phony ones. Every con that has ever succeeded has this element to it, either the ‘mark’ is the one being needed or he/she is the one who needs. Every scammer, every con person, be they business ‘leaders’, politicians, criminals, and/or everyday people seeking connection, plays on “the need to be needed” that another has, they are so convincing because the con also has “the need to be needed” as well, so the con man/woman is most convincing because they are acting from a true need/desire only bastardizing it for their own selfishness, not for the sake of the person(s) they are conning. We see this in the political life of many politicians, aka Trump and his minions, McCarthy and his henchmen like Roy Cohn, we are even seeing this in the horrific decisions of this Supreme Court-giving the Presidency almost absolute powers going against the letter and the spirit of the founding fathers who did not want another king! These con artists wrap themselves in the cloaks of caring for truth, justice and the American Way while actually playing to an audience of wealthy benefactors who want absolute power so their need to be needed is fulfilled by their cruelty and their beneficence depending on their whim on any particular day. Be it the ‘religious’ right in America and/or in Israel, Iran, Saudi Arabia, be it the despots like Orban and/or Putin et al, Clarence Thomas, Sam Alito, et al on the court, they share “the need to be needed” as a birthright to do as they please because their needs supersede any one else’s.

This, of course, is not what Rabbi Heschel is speaking about, nor is it what any spiritual discipline means because all spiritual disciplines believe we all have “the need to be needed.” Without the second half of the sentence above, we have the recipe for disaster that has happened before and could be happening right now. Yet, we can change the course we seem to be traveling on when we accept the second half of the sentence above; when we commit to find what the “something is ask of man, every man”. When we are willing to let go of our selfish desires, when we are willing to explore our inner life and seek spiritual guidance, we can find our “ikigai” as the Japanese say; our “raison d’être” as the French say, the “ikar” of our life, the reason we are born. We need to search our souls and reach out to community to find the corner of the garden we call life so we can find the patch we are needed to sow and to reap. This is wisdom we learn from Hasidism, from the Desert Fathers, from the Buddha, etc. What makes us feel so lonely is when we are engaged in a futile search fo our “ikigai”, when we believe that our age (too young or too old) precludes us from finding it, when we deny what is in our being for riches, fame, power, etc. When our “need to be needed” is out of proper measure, when it is overpowered by self-deception and/or the deception of others, we will stay mired in emotional distress and anger, spiritual illness and seek to fill the “hole in our soul” with a myriad of substances and behaviors that temporarily ‘fix’ the malady we are suffering from. Of course after this temporary fix, the malady comes roaring back greater and the cycle begins again and again.

There is a solution to the spiritual malady caused by not know what the “something is asked” is. The solution is to acknowledge we don’t know, go out on a discovery mission that is similar to Abraham’s going “to a place I will show you”, to Columbus’ journey to the New World, America’s Mission to the Moon, etc. We are being called to find the unique gift/talent inside of us that makes us so important and valuable that the world doesn’t work as well without us in our proper place. We are in the solution when we realize that we are powerless over so much that happens around us and we have the power to respond to what is with a higher purpose. We are in the solution when we seek to understand, hear and listen to our inner life; Shema. We are in the solution when we are willing to wrestle with the mixed messages of our higher/earthly inclinations; Yisrael. When we are willing to admit we are not the end all/be all; Adonai Eloheynu. We are in the solution and find our place when we join and connect with community and family and live our place in the oneness of life, of the world, of the creator; Adonai Echad. When we live into the Shema prayer, we are in the solution of responding to the “something is asked of man” and experience the fulfillment of our “need to be needed”.

I had no idea where this writing today, or any day, would lead me. I am in awe of the power of “words from the heart go to the heart” as Maimonidies says. I sought being “needed” in all the wrong places for much of my early life and where I was “needed”, many times I ran away from. I am so sorry to family, friends, community that I harmed with my running and with my conning. While I have made amends before, I keep realizing the depth of my harms differently as I deepen my understanding of life and my place in it. I am grateful that I have lived into the Shema prayer, as I have outlined it above, more each day/year. I am also realizing the self-deception of my thoughts of not being “needed” anymore and how this was a false ego decision rather than a soul knowing. It is an example of how falseness creeps into our minds and hearts blocking the truth of our souls from reaching us. Only through the Shema do I get to an authentic awareness of fulfilling my “need to be needed” in a healthy, holy manner. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark