Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel

Year 3 Day 301

National Month of Repentance and Change

“Its motivations are remorse for the past and responsibility for the future. Only in this manner is it possible and valid.” (Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity pg. 69)

Because Rabbi Heschel is writing for a Jewish audience in Berlin in 1936, in speaking about repentance/T’Shuvah, he doesn’t have to explain what it means, he assumes that everyone reading it knows what repentance is, especially on the Eve of Yom Kippur when this was published, and how to engage in it. And yet, the sentences above are descriptors of what it means to engage in repentance, how to engage in it, and the validity of it depends upon the individual.

While we are “forgiven as we speak” on Kol Nidre, these are only for the ways we have missed the mark with our connection, obligation to the Ineffable One, not for the ways we have harmed one another. To be “forgiven as we speak” for the harms we have brought upon another human being, we have to go to that person, if possible, and engage in repentance with them. If it is not possible, we need to write the repentance down and share it with another person, a spiritual guide, at a gravesite, etc. And none of our words matter unless our “repentance is an absolute, spiritual decision made in truthfulness” and “its motivations are remorse for the past and responsibility for the future.”!  Rabbi Heschel is rebuking and reminding the Jews of Berlin in 1936 of the power of repentance and the enormity of it, the call for repentance and the need for it by every individual. He is calling out to us, Jews and non-Jews of today, to make this “absolute spiritual decision” so we can ensure a better today and tomorrow than yesterday was. There is no going back to ‘the good old days’ as some people are trying to make happen in repentance-only going forward and making today and tomorrow a little better than yesterday(s) were.

“Remorse for the past” means knowing that no matter how things turned out, there were errors I made, people whom I ignored, in our drive to ‘get things done’ we stepped on toes and feet, threw elbows and punches, sometimes unwittingly, unknowingly, and sometimes as motivational efforts. While we believe and can prove we did things for the greater good, while we can truthfully claim blindness to these effects, it doesn’t change the fact that we are guilty, we ignored the humanity of another, we missed the mark by failing to honor the divine in another human being. This doesn’t mean we have to buy into everyone’s victimhood, we don’t have to apologize for telling people the truth, getting them to do their part in helping to move a project forward (assuming the project is legitimate and not harmful to anyone), it means we have to look at ourselves, our motivations in the ways we acted. Ask ourselves were our actions in service, were they necessary and were they kind? We can convince ourselves of the first two usually, it is the third one where we usually miss the mark. Being remorseful for this type of missing the mark is crucial for our growth as a human being, it is necessary for our future actions and endeavors and it is a kindness we do for ourselves in becoming aware and accountable.

"Remorse for the past” also means to see where we knowingly and with malice missed the mark, where we did what we did for our own ‘benefit’ and to be self-serving and seek power, wealth, control, fame, etc. When politicians make statements like “Jews are poisoning the blood of our nations, they are vermin” etc and never repent for these horrific statements, there is no forgiveness-in fact letting them off the hook is in itself a missing the mark! When politicians and people blame and shame immigrants seeking a better life for themselves when their own ancestors did the same, we have to hold them accountable for more than ‘I’m sorry’ we have to demand their repentance and we have to demand their plan to not repeat their scapegoating in the future. We have to look inside of ourselves and see where we have engaged in behaviors that are the same and/or similar-where we have blamed and shamed another so we did not have to be ‘responsible’, where we have been ‘the victim’ and therefore ‘not my fault’. Yes we have suffered traumas, some much more severe than others AND this doesn’t give us the right nor the freedom to use these traumas as excuses for our own missing the mark. “Remorse for the past” allows us to see our part and make a valid repentance in order for the possibility of forgiveness by another human being to be in play.

All of this “remorse for the past” means nothing if it doesn’t change us, it doesn’t bring us back to the fold of being human, if we don’t have a plan on how not to repeat the same errors when we are in the same/similar situations again and we will be in them. “Responsibility for the future” is crucial in this process, it means we are committing to being more careful with our words and actions, it means we are going to consider if they are kind as well as being in truthful, in service of a goal/another human being, and if they are necessary. We are committing to be more aware and less oblivious to what is happening in front of us, behind us and around us. We are committing to be seek the truth more than the lies that can ‘serve us better’. We are committing to see our own self-deceptions and leave them, let them go as well as not buying into the deceptions of the idolators, the charlatans, the autocrats, the orange-monkey and their followers. “Responsibility for the future” means voting for democracy, for kindness, for truthfulness, with our ballots, with our feet, with our words. It means we are committed to leaving the world, country, community we live in a little better for the next generation. Only in this way can our repentance be “possible and valid”.

I was asked if I engage in this work every day of this month, every year. The answer is yes! I have reached out to people I realize I harmed that I had not reached out to before. I have reached out to people who I lost connection with to find out why, I am continuing this work and each day, I take Rabbi Heschel’s words in and they cause me to act. I have remorse for the past, for the ways I was a bull in the china shop and stepped on people’s feelings in order to ‘get something done’, even when it was a good thing. I know I serve three masters in my recovery, God, another human being, and myself. I am not a victim, no matter what people may say-I speak my truth when asked and if someone thinks I am complaining then I am either being misheard or I have used the wrong choice of words. I am not a ‘victim’ and I have been harmed. I am not a ‘victimizer’ and I have done wrong. I do have great remorse for the past and I am using this to make a better future. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark