Daily Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 81
“The dreadful confusion, the fact that there is nothing in this world that is not a mixture of good and evil, of holy and unholy, of silver and dross, is, according to Jewish mysticism, the central problem of history and the ultimate issue of redemption.”(God in Search of Man pg. 371)
Immersing our selves in Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom and teachings causes us to change our ways, engage in self-reflection, hold our selves responsible individually and communally. We have to stop living on the surface of life, no longer be content with our ‘good deeds’ and cease and desist from our rationalizations and looking outside of our selves for causes and answers. Rather, we have to be engaged in our inner lives, in our clearing out the shmutz, the junk we have allowed to overcome our soul’s knowledge. We are in desperate need, individually and communally, of ‘open heart’ surgery. The type of surgery that opens our hearts to what being human truly is, the type of surgery that opens up our spiritual arteries so the flow of inner wisdom, higher consciousness, God’s teachings and ways, is more readily available to us, becomes our new normal, our new way of being.
To do this means we have to first look ourselves in the mirror, as Cassidy Hutchinson so aptly put it in the Jan. 6th committee hearings. Rather than see if our make-up is on correctly, rather than worrying about the hairs that may be out of place, rather than noticing the crows feet and lines on our faces, when we look in the mirror it is imperative that we see if we are being the person we were meant to be. The “mirror test” becomes not about our looks, it becomes about who we are as humans. It is the first step in our process of changing our way of being human. We have to look into the mirror and remember the poem “The man in the glass” which reminds us that we can fool everyone else, we can get all the money, power, prestige, etc. and at the end of the day: “But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.”
Individually and communally, we need to begin with the “mirror test”, we have to stop cheating our selves and cheating everyone else with our deceptions of self and another(s). Letting go of the societal norms and pretenses, the conventional notions and mental cliches is a strong beginning. Holding ourselves to a higher standard, the standard of being human, allows us to see where we have ‘hit the mark’ and where we have ‘missed the mark’. It is the beginning of a true awareness of where, when, and how we mix “good and evil, holy and unholy, silver and dross”. We can do this work by first realizing and admitting the lies we tell ourselves each and every day; like ‘not good enough’ ‘everybody does this’ ‘I’m entitled to’ and so many more. Taking the ‘mirror test’ opens us up to seeing our assets and liabilities, the problems we face and the solutions we have to our dilemmas. We stop hiding from our selves, from the truths about us, from the shame and blame we engage in and get into action to grow spiritually and morally. We are, in fact, “buying back” our existence from the falseness we have become accustomed to and from a society that rewards mendacity! It is time for us to act as kinsmen/kinswomen to our self so we can truly participate in this “buying back” of our souls. This is, I believe, part of our ultimate redemption.
I hear Rabbi Heschel teaching me/us that we will never get totally good in this life, we will never get totally holy in any single action we take, there will always be a little dross of the shine we put into the world. Yet, as I listen to Rabbi Heschel speak to me, I realize that he is reminding us that perfection is not the goal, there is no Mitzvah we will do perfectly because we are not able to separate out all the evil, unholy, dross in our daily living. The best we can do is to improve one day at a time, one grain of sand each day. This is what we do IN RECOVERY, this is what we do when we choose to live life along spiritual principles. Doing this doesn’t mean that we are not successful, doing this is not a monastic endeavor, doing this does not mean we are doomed to boredom and/or no fun/no pleasure. Rather engaging in this dive into our inner life shows us what action and pleasure truly is, what being part of community truly can be, and success is not about status and money (although we can attain both), it becomes about passing the ‘mirror test’!
I have been looking at life through the lens of Rabbi Heschel’s teaching above for a long time and I still engage in “the dreadful confusion” and I still have a mixture “of good and evil, of holy and unholy, of silver and dross” in my daily actions. I also know how far I have come in since my last arrest in 1986. I am aware of how my “dreadful confusion” prevented me from redeeming, “acting like a kinsman”, “buying back” some lives while knowing that my way, my struggle, my love, my actions have caused me to help many people to redeem their own lives. I know my way of being is not for everyone, it is not ‘politically correct’, it is too intense for many as my friend, teacher and Rabbi, Rabbi Ed Feinstein says. Yet, I know without being me, I could never pass the mirror test and that is the most important test of all to me. In Jewish prayer, when we say the name of God, we are always upright and standing straight and tall, and from engaging in this inner life work, I can be “face to face” with God and have a close personal relationship because of the myriad of ways I “act like a kinsman”. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark