Daily Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 257
“Consciousness abides in the company of self-consciousness. With any perception or apprehension comes the awareness of my possessing it, which is dangerously close to vanity. The ego, with its characteristic lack of reserve or discretion, is prone to interfere obtrusively even in acts which had been initiated behind its back. Such interference or “alien thoughts”—alien to the spirit of the act—which was absent from the original motive constitute a problem of its own.”(God in Search of Man pg. 387)
Rabbi Heschel is posing a challenge for us in his teaching above. Our need to possess our “perceptions and apprehensions” causes us to defend them, to proclaim them as absolute truths, to, at times, deny the perceptions and apprehensions of another(s) and lead us into the temptation of “rightness”. This experience separates us from one another, separates us from God, separates us from our souls/spirits. It also separates us from continuing to learn and seeking the whole picture, seeking truth. We separate into tribes of ‘like-minded’ people and easily follow and go along with a leader and/or lead people to a “my way or the highway” mentality. When we are “possessing it”, we claim ownership, we believe we hold onto the only truth, we guard it and we fiercely defend it. We no longer engage in conversations, we no longer engage in hearing and learning different ways of understanding our “perceptions and apprehensions” because our egos won’t allow doubt, won’t allow anyone else’s ideas and wisdom to intrude upon our beliefs, perceptions, etc.
This way of being is dangerous because vanity is not only close, it is knocking at the door and we are almost always going to open the door and let it in! Vanity comes from the Latin meaning “empty”. Which is a wonderful way to describe what happens when “the awareness of my possessing” any “perception and apprehension”! We become empty shells, we are devoid of empathy, we are unable to learn, to have a conversation, we are unable to acknowledge our own errors of thinking, of doing, we are unable to forgive another(s) for their foibles and we cannot recognize our own imperfections.
Religion and spirituality fall prey to becoming “dangerously close to vanity” as much as governments, nations, businesses, communities, groups, etc. Every entity seems to be vying to be #1 and to do this they believe their “perceptions and apprehensions” are the only ones that are true, correct and the only ones that should matter. We see this in every aspect of society and, as so often happens, we come to find out they are as empty as the “Wizard of Oz”. We come to find out that ‘the man behind the curtain’ is a charlatan, a con man, a grifter, who preys upon the uncertainty of another(s), of a group in order to have power, riches, etc. In religious life, this way of being is anathema to Torah, to the Bible, to the Koran, etc. The prophets spoke to the people for hundreds of years and speak to us every day in prayer and study about this danger, yet we continue to remain willfully blind and willfully deaf to their words, to our history, to truth.
Teaching that slavery was good for the slaves, denying women reproductive health care and endangering their lives, worshiping a grifter and criminal like Donald Trump, being fed a steady diet of lies and propaganda, rewriting history as Kevin McCarthy is doing, listening to Mitch McConnell rail against the Democrats “politicizing the Court” after his denying to consider Merritt Garland because it was an election year and promoting Amy Barrett 1 month prior to the 2020 election, all are examples of people who are possessing “perceptions and apprehensions” that come from vanity, that actually show the emptiness and vapidity of individuals.
In recovery, we are acutely aware of the pitfalls of possessing our “perceptions and apprehensions”, we know the emptiness of vanity and how dangerous it is. We are recovering our spiritual lives, we are recovering our ability to have an apprehensions without ‘owning it’, to have a perception without ‘owning it. In fact, we speak often of not being able to have what one doesn’t give away. We have a community of people who ‘keep us honest’, keep us aware of the lies we tell ourselves, we choose sponsors and spiritual guides to help us stay ‘right-sized’ and on a path of truth and learning, all in order to leave the “vanity/emptiness” that we suffered from prior to our recovery.
In looking back and forward, I am guilty of vanity at times and I shared my “perceptions and apprehensions” with the goal of having them changed, massaged, grown by another(s) because I am here to serve another, God and self. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark