Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 309
“Repentance is an absolute, spiritual decision made in truthfulness. Its motivations are remorse for the past and responsibility for the future. Only in this manner is it possible and valid.” (Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity pg. 69)
We are in the middle of the 10 days of T’Shuvah, repentance and Rabbi Heschel’s teaching above is crucial for our return to the souls we are meant to be. These words were written in Berlin, Germany in 1936 as Hitler was persecuting the Jews of Germany and using us as scapegoats for the ills of the German people. Rather than find some compromise, rather than hide and appease, Rabbi Heschel is telling us to stand firm in our faith, stand firm in our connection to God, hear the call and strength of our souls and live into the truth of our existence.
“I’m sorry” is used so often it has become trite because these words are used often as placating words, a phrase that has no meaning to it, and we continue to say them because this is what is expected of us. We learn this as children when we are forced to say these words without meaning them, without understanding the impact of our actions and we are forgiven too easily once we say them. Neither the repentance nor the forgiveness are truthful, neither of them are “an absolute spiritual decision” because most of us do not pay attention to our spiritual life, as children we are not aware of our spiritual life because we are not trained in spiritual living, only in material living and doing what ‘is best for us’. We continue this practice into our adulthood and make the same errors with our children, with our grandchildren so this cycle of ‘getting the heat off’ and thinking we will do the same things again and just not get caught this time has led us to the state of being we are in: Mendacity rules, deception is normal and self-deception is a constant.
We are witnesses to this in our family life, in our communal life, in our political world right here, right now. Our government is engaged in pointing fingers, using leverage of funding the government to satisfy the ravings of a lunatic fringe that knows no bounds in their march towards dismantling our democracy. We watch in horror as hearings in the House of Representatives continue to weaponize their positions in order to satisfy their cravings for ‘blood’, for ‘retribution’ because Donald J Trump was impeached twice and has been indicted in 4 jurisdictions. In the Senate, Tommy Tuberville is willing to endanger our National Security to promote his personal agenda. More importantly, the elected officials who are members of the same party are doing nothing to stop these lunatics, nothing to help We, the People! They seem to be incapable of engaging in “an absolute spiritual decision made in truthfulness.” These ‘good christians’ seem to be incapable of engaging in repentance, these ‘good jews’ in Israel and here seem to believe engaging in the formula of repentance rather than in the practice of repentance will suffice for them. MENDACITY rules and self-deception is their constant friend and ally.
In recovery, as in Judaism and all faiths, Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom and demands are guiding lights for us to “trudge the road of happy destiny”, to be able to “intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us”, that we will “know a new freedom and happiness”, and our “feeling of usefulness and self-pity will disappear.” These promises found in the Big Book of AA have come true and continue to come true for those of us who continue to live “repentance is an absolute spiritual decision made in truthfulness.” We are constantly engaging in self-reflection and being aware of our power to harm and to heal, to push down and raise up, to act in the name of an idol and to act in the name of God. We are not perfect, we are human beings who have decided to live in truth, to live in repentance and growth, to live as spiritual beings in a material body/world.
I made the “absolute spiritual decision” in earnest in Dec. 1986 and since then I have grown in this way of being. I repent, I learn, I grow, I make similar errors each time raising the bar for myself. I live into truth and when I am living in mendacity and/or self-deception, I have people around me to “lift up my eyes and see” what is true and what is real. I have, as the Sufi Poet, Hafiz, writes: “Tired of speaking sweetly”. Just as God held/holds me “upside down” and shakes “all the nonsense out”, I have done the same with many other people. I know I have been wrong at times and I regret these errors, I know my intentions were to help and I accept my responsibility in not speaking in ways someone could hear. I have, at times, kicked and screamed when God, through my Angels “rip to shreds all my(your) erroneous notions of truth and, in the end been eternally grateful to drop my mendacious and self-deceptive ways. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark