Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 3 Day 229
“What we owe the old is reverence, but all they ask for is consideration, attention, not to be discarded and forgotten. What they deserve is preference, yet we do not even grant them equality.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg. 70)
The words above struck me upon reading them this morning. Maybe it is because I am ‘old’ and maybe because I am afraid of being irrelevant these words pierce through me. “Reverence” comes from the Latin meaning “to stand in awe of”, consideration comes from the Latin meaning “examine” and as I think about the words above, I hear Rabbi Heschel demanding we at least acknowledge what we “owe”, what our obligation is to those who go before us and blaze the trail, clear out the brush so we have a clearer path forward.
In today’s news is our disdain for those who some believe are “over the hill” who’s usefulness has an expiration date, as people are wont to say about President Biden while extolling the brilliance of a man a few years younger who talks like a madman and is proposing to end the democracy of the founding fathers. We are witnesses to and, in some cases, participants in “pushing out the old so the new can come in” not realizing that we have an obligation to those who have come before us instead of disdain for them. The Supreme Court has shown it’s lack of reverence for the first time by overturning precedence numerous times, by saying a corporation is the same as a person and then speaking of their ‘good christian values’-I don’t think that Christ would think a corporation and a person are the same!
We have become so enamored with ‘staying young’ that plastic surgeons have become super wealthy, we bow down to the idols of fashion and looks, Kim Kardashian and her family have become very famous and rich for their ‘beautiful bodies’ not for any action that causes the world to be better. Teen suicide rates are skyrocketing because of the belief that there is something wrong with them because they are not good looking, smart, etc enough. We see the need for ‘the newest, latest’ growing quicker that it can be supplied. Reading a newspaper, or a hardcover/paperback book is so ‘old fashioned’ most younger people don’t do it anymore. Sitting and listening to the stories of their elders seems like a drag to many young people today and their need to ‘prove’ themselves right by making the older generation wrong is rampant. Blaming their unresolved issues on parents, which may well be warranted, doesn’t help them solve what is happening right now in their lives, it doesn’t allow them to be responsible for themselves and have a discussion and hear where their perceptions are correct and where they might not be.
There is a phenomenon happening where adult children are ‘divorcing’ their parents when their parents need them most. Rather than continue to engage and wrestle through the difficulties of relationship, they are quitting, in many cases when their parents may need them most! This is so ‘they can take care of themselves’ forgetting how their parents did their best to take care of them during difficult times for their parents, without knowing how to parent, making mistakes without malice and intention in most cases. Yet, many younger people have not heard nor considered Rabbi Heschel’s words above.
On the other hand, many teen-agers go to retirement communities, to ‘old homes’ and meet people who can be their grandparents and listen to their stories, make connections and learn about how to live better. It is a wonder to watch how they care for people who have no familiar connection and the bond is pretty strong and sparks of light/holiness shoot out from these experiences. And, there are too many people who are put in these ‘old homes’ who are forgotten and discarded. We can and must do better.
How we treat our older generation is a barometer of the spiritual health of a society. As we experience, our society is spiritually ill! While many speak of the political, social, economic heath and in those terms, what most pundits and experts are missing is that we either retard or move forward our march towards justice, freedom, truth, love, kindness, compassion, etc based on our spiritual health. Not realizing that we have an obligation to parents, to our older generation that honors their service, honors their achievements, respects their wisdom, asks for their help because, as it says in the Bible, there ain’t nothing new under the sun. We can and must do better if we are to recover the sparks of decency and goodness, justice and kindness, righteousness and strength.
I think of my mother, z”l, and how she was ‘happy’ to retire and then felt useless when no one called for advice or help. I am thinking of how there were many times when I paid attention to my mother, I cared about her dignity and spoke with her regarding matters that were important to her and I can still here her voice “Mark, I am still your mother and I will always tell you what I think is right”. I knew I owed her respect and I failed at times, yet I never walked away nor did she. I am thinking of the generational difference- most in my generation honored our parents even if we were unhappy with the ways they interacted with us. I honor my mentors and continually seek wisdom and help from them because I know how much I don’t know and how easy it is to get tunnel vision. I pay attention to the needs of and the desires of people older than I because it is the right thing to do-none of us know what someone else went through to get to where they are at and respecting their journey is paying forward what we want for ourselves. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark