Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 3 Day 251
“The real bond between two generations is the insights they share, the appreciation they have in common, the moments of inner experience in which they meet. A parent is not only an economic provider, playmate, shelter, and affection. A human being is in need of security, he is also in need of inspiration, of exaltation and a transcendent meaning of existence.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg.83)
The last two sentences above show us the ways to further bring together and strengthen the bonds between generations and the ways to separate the generations more. When the parent sees him/herself as a ‘friend’ to her/his child, when parents see their role as having to “shelter” their children from any harm and/or consequences for their behaviors, when parents believe ‘throwing money at a problem’ will make it go away, when they believe their children are their investment and therefore should give them bragging rights, they should do what the parents say regardless of how and what the child/teen/young adult wants, there is no reason to share “insights”, “moments of inner experience” nor have an “appreciation” of what they have in common because the parent doesn’t seem to care about commonality-only what makes them look good to the neighbors, to the world!
A child who sees “a parent” as “only an economic provider”, an ATM machine, or a “playmate, shelter” and only seeks “affection” is also breaking the “real bond between two generations”. Just as people who believe that history doesn’t repeat itself so there is no need to study it, just as people listen to the same “dog whistles” that authoritarians, slave owners, despots have said in the past and deny that they mean the same things now and find out that Orban likes Putin more than he likes the people of Hungary-that he turns on the people who supported him when he purported to want freedom for all, so too are children who refuse to share their “inner experiences” and hear the insights of the previous generations finding out how ill-equipped they are for living life on life’s terms. We need to acknowledge our needs for shelter and affection, for being provided for economically up to a certain point and our need to enjoy times between parents and children and we cannot allow this to be the entirety of our relationships!
Parents, grandparents must provide the next generation a “transcendent meaning of existence. “Transcendent” comes from the Latin meaning “climbing over” and the English definition is “beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experience”, “surpassing the ordinary”. Every human being has within them a desire and a path for transcendent meaning, it is hard-wired into us-hence our speechlessness at the Grand Canyon, a sunset over the water, the beauty and vibrations of Sedona and other “spiritual vortexes”, etc. We also have within us a need to be needed/called to action that is uniquely ours-which no one else can do in the same way we can. We have within us a higher consciousness, a spirit, that our souls cry out to satisfy and reach. We are aware of the role of grandparents and the ‘older’ generation in this quest because, often, parents are too caught up in ‘keeping up with the Jones’”, trying to make a living that provides things for our children, and in many cases, working two jobs just to put a roof over their heads and food on the table. Yet, the ‘older’ generation, in many situations is still too concerned with ‘bragging rights’ about their grandchildren to offer these experiences of “transcendent meaning of existence”. We will take them on trips to Disneyland, around the world, etc and not always teach them how to climb over the beauty of something to plumb the depths of meaning that this beauty is capturing. Michelangelo’s “Statue of Moses” is breathtaking and seeing only the Marble, only the statue, only the craftsmanship, misses the essence of his work as evidenced by his quote: “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
Without a “transcendent meaning of existence” there is no “inspiration”, no “exaltation”, no joy; there is only fun, partying, seeking wealth, fame, fortune and other such evaporating exploits. We are in desperate need of giving to the generations after us the values, actions of the generations before us gave to us; Democracy, Freedom, Meaning, a respect for the Human Spirit, treating one another with dignity and value, appreciating the uniqueness of one another. We have to teach the next generations how to have “transcendent meaning of existence” through sharing our insights and helping the have their own inner experiences instead of sending them to therapists. We should be speaking to one another about the ways we are still “climbing over” the normal and ordinary to have “exceptional” experiences of love, connection, learning and responding to the call we hear within us. Rather than denying the importance of spiritual growth in young people, as it was denied to us, we are duty-bound, love-bound to encourage the spiritual knowing within the next generation by explaining how we learned to ignore it to our peril, to a sense of loneliness and emptiness inside that no amount of alcohol, money, fame, etc could fill. Only through our experiencing the “transcendent meaning of existence” that is uniquely ours could we fill this hole in the soul. We could not plagiarize it from another person, we had to experience it on our own. Some people are using ‘medicine’ to reach these spiritual insights and some use meditation, while others use prayer and study- whatever the method, we have to teach these ways to the next generations and no longer ‘shield’ them from being responsible for their actions nor berate them because they follow “the beat of their own drummer”. We, the older generations have to provide these paths and accompany the generations after us on this quest, this journey.
I am thinking about how I squandered the insights and transcendent meaning of existence that my father and grandfathers gave me, how I could not hear the call of my aunts and uncles because I was so angry and listened to the material needs of my ego and my immediate family. NO ONE asked me to be a thief, no one asked me to hustle and lose my soul, I just couldn’t hold on to the “transcendent meanings” my father had instilled in me until my recovery began. In these ensuing years, I have shared “insights, transcendent meanings, inspiration and exaltations” with all I have encountered, not always in ways they could hear and understand which I am deeply sorry for. I have also been blessed to have so many people/teachers share these same experiences with me. Most of all, my daughter gets me, we share meanings and exaltations, sorrows and inspirations with one another and my siblings have done the same with their children. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark