Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 3 Day 262
“The effort to restore the dignity of old age will depend upon our ability to revive the equation of old age and wisdom. Wisdom is the substance upon which the inner security of the old will forever depend. But the attainment of wisdom is the work of a life time.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg. 84)
“Wisdom is the substance upon which the inner security of the old will forever depend” strikes at the heart of the challenge of inter-generational dialogue, inter-generational respect and learning, inter-generational covenantal love. Many of us ‘love’ our older relatives as an obligatory action, not with the fervor and excitement to learn from them always. Many of us have felt like it is a burden to ‘visit the old folks’ especially when we could be doing so many cooler activities. Many of us have forced our kids to ‘visit your grandparents’ because our parents nag us to ‘see the grandchildren, they are my only joy in my old age’. Rabbi Heschel’s words above call these ‘obligations’ and these ‘joys’ out for what they are-excuses for and searches for “inner security”. Rather than appreciate the “wisdom” we have to impart, many of us ‘older adults’ are trying to be hip and cool, stuck in old ways and being ‘proper’. Rather than take in the “wisdom” the older generation has to impart to us, we of the ‘younger generation’ want to ‘do it our way, make our own mistakes, etc’; not realizing we are making the same mistakes that generations of people have made.
As we age, our bodies wear down and we don’t have the same stamina we used to have. We cannot do at 70 what we did at 30 and we can do things smarter and be more focused on what is truly important. In our younger years we experimented with all sorts of ideas and ways of being, in our 80’s, 90’s we have the wisdom of these experiences to impart and to hold on to. We want to share it with the younger folks for two reasons: 1) we don’t want them to make the same mistakes we did and suffer the same angst, self-recriminations we did and not perpetrate the same harms we did; and 2) We need to give away what we have so we can keep it and use it, so we can add more wisdom to our inner life and feel the worth and dignity that comes from reaching out and helping another human being.
We are well aware of the harms we have wrought by the time we reach ‘old age’ and our dignity depends on our realization, acknowledging and repairing the damage we have caused. It is a healing of our souls, a healing between us and the people we have harmed and love, it is a manifestation of covenantal love- a love that goes beyond our needs, that goes beyond a transactional experience- a love that is truly for the ages because the thought of this human being not in our lives is too much to take. We have to remember to make amends to our children and our spouses, our siblings and our parents, our friends and our enemies, etc. We do this to restore the dignity to those who’s dignity we stole by harming them and we do this to restore our own dignity and “inner security” by “cleaning our side of the street”. We also are better able to have a truthful and serious discussion with the next generations about behaviors, about things we don’t feel are important and how another human being experiences us, how to show our deep caring and our deep commitment to one another, how to avoid the pitfalls of egotism and narcissism, how to help the next generation think differently, how to help them see more of the picture and how to hale them plan their path to the goals they have. By being this transparent and authentic, we give the ‘young folk’ a new way of being that is “maladjusted to” societal norms and cliches. We are giving them a path to wholeness and being real while and achieving the goals they have set and the goal that the spiritual, universal world has for them: Be Human!
As we age, we are in need of “inner security” as much if not more than when we were younger. While our bodies may be tired and doctor visits are more frequent, what we have in our hearts, our minds, our souls is the only security we have! Knowing what we know and being unafraid to speak our minds, to reach out and help, to rebuke when necessary as a statement of faith that another human being wants to do the next right thing and is just a little stuck/blind to what it is are all ways of expressing our wisdom and feeling secure. This is not the same a “do it my way because I am the only one who knows” bullshit of authoritarians, rather it is our practicing what every spiritual discipline believes: learn from the elders, sit at the feet of the wise and make our homes meeting places for wisdom to flourish, reenacting the command to “Shema” that the young should “hear, listen, and understand” as well as engage in “arguing for the sake of a higher purpose, not to be right”. As we age and we are more in touch with our successes and our “failing forwards”, we have the benefit of not needing to ‘sell’ the younger generation on our wisdom, we have the knowing that we are giving out what we have to give, we gain more and more security as we engage with our younger peers and the security we experience from “knowing what we know” gives us courage and strength to weather the onslaught of arguments and pass on our wisdom without needing anyone else to use it. These are some of the reasons “wisdom is the substance upon with the inner security of the old will forever depend”!
Writing this today reminds me of Saturday afternoons spent at my Grandfather’s tailoring and dry cleaning store. I would take a bus after Temple and go down to his store, he would give me a dollar and I would get 50 cents worth of Corned Beef, a Kaiser Roll and a Cotton Club Cherry-Strawberry Soda and sit with him for the afternoon. He would talk about life and I would listen, we had a deal, 1/2 the time we listened to Opera, he loved Opera so much, and the other half we would listen to sports. To this day, when I hear Opera, I smile and remember those Saturday afternoons with Grandpa B. It also reminds me of my Aunt Nettie who was soft-spoken and didn’t need to yell to prove anything. She spoke and we listened, she asked and we responded, much like we did with my father, her brother. I hear my father’s voice each day reminding me to give away what I know, to not make all of life transactional, I hear his pride in his children and his tears at not being here to help us all grow. I hear my relatives words and I impart their wisdom to younger folks as a way of keeping the wisdom eternal and their lives and impact on me is always a blessing. I know that in this transitional time for me, my “inner wisdom” is “the substance” that gives me “security” and joy, strength, vision and love. God Bless, Rabbi Mark