Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 3 Day 299
National Month of Repentance and Change
“God brings about this creation for the sake of humanity when a human being repents for the sake of God.” (Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity pg. 69)
I was at a workshop last night with Rabbi Hazzan Danny Maseng and when he was talking about writing Liturgical music, he described his process as allowing the words to dictate the music to him, not wanting to fit the words to his melody, rather finding the melody of the words of the prayer. The same is true for me when I read and interpret Rabbi Heschel’s words and wisdom. I let them tell me what the meaning is in this moment and my lower self, my need to be smart is not present when I write.
Whatever word one wants to insert for “God”, depending on ones belief or non-belief system, some power that is much greater than ourselves, a higher consciousness that comes at mysterious moments, “brings about this creation” the creation of the miracle of repentance, the miracle of our “harms and blemishes” being ”extinguished”, being “transformed into” our being saved from our negativity and others being saved from our negativity as well. This is a mysterious occurrence, one that most of us know comes about as a surprise-both for the repentant who asks for forgiveness and the one who grants their forgiveness. Human nature is such that admitting we are ‘wrong’ is a weakness and letting go of a resentment, forgiving those who have hurt us is seen as stupidity.
Yet, as Rabbi Heschel describes above, some power greater than our feelings, higher than our usual consciousness, or, as I like to say, God is the “prime mover” in this occurrence. This “creation”, forgiveness, salvation, repentance and change, is like the butterfly effect, where one small occurrence can influence a larger system. This is what happens for humanity when one person repents, when one person asks for forgiveness, when one person forgives, when both people are changed and commit to this new way of being. Humanity is saved, as Rabbi Meir says in the Talmud, some 2000 years ago: “Great is repentance, because of one person’s repentance the entire world endures/stands” (Talmud Yoma: 86b) Most of us are so enthralled with ourselves, with our power or lack thereof, we either feel like we are not in need of repenting and/or what good would it do to repent and Rabbi Heschel’s words along with those in the Talmud teach us that we all have a part in this world, we all have an effect/influence in and on this world that goes beyond our status in life, beyond our emotional state, beyond our rational thinking and beyond our infantile understandings of God, of religion. Our repentance is for the sake of something so much greater than ourselves-another human being, the world itself!
The sentence above is pointing us in the direction of what true repentance entails as well, as I am hearing Rabbi Heschel speak to us this morning. Our repentance, unlike when we were kids and our parents told us to say ‘I’m sorry’ and not really mean it/understand why we were saying it, as adults is done for the sake of something greater than ourselves. When we are repenting so someone will like us, we are not transforming; when we are repenting so we can make more money and keep our jobs, we are not engaging in the “creation” Rabbi Heschel is speaking of. When we are repenting by saying ‘I’m sorry’ without any awareness of the change we need to make, the actual harms we have perpetrated upon another human being and the negativity we have put into the world, we are not participating in our own salvation.
We have 14 days until we gather for Kol Nidre, the evening Service that ushers in Yom Kippur, the day we are forgiven. We have 14 days to reach into our own higher selves, our higher consciousness and truly repent for the sake of doing the next right thing, without needing forgiveness from another, we only need to take this action of real repentance, repair and change so we can put hope, kindness, truth, love back into the world, so we can be save our better selves, transform our bitterness into kindness, fear into awe, worry into acceptance, etc. We have 14 days to open our souls up to the healing of forgiving the people who have harmed us, the ones we have sworn to never forgive nor forget because holding onto these resentments harm us, make us more bitter, less kind and more suspicious. We have 14 days to let go of these resentments with or without being asked to by the person, rather being repentant for the ways these resentments have impacted our living and our interacting with another human being. How many times have we hidden from another because we hold onto the resentment of old and project these resentments upon everyone else. This is not easy, especially when the first people to harm us were/are our family-parents, siblings, extended family. Yet, we don’t have to ‘let the bastards win’ and with the help of a power greater than ourselves, we can let go of these resentments and forgive ourselves for being powerless to stop the harms and for holding onto these harms for so long.
I am in the home stretch of my TShuvah, my repentance for this year. I have been the recipient of God’s grace and miracles for longer than I realize. I am repentant for and to the people I harmed in my youth with my stealing and hustling. I am repentant to the people I screwed over with my bad checks, frauds, scams. I am repentant to the people I disappointed and ignored throughout my life because I was focused on me and what I thought was important. I am repentant to the people for whom my way of being and speaking felt abusive and inappropriate. I am repentant to the people who worked at Beit T’Shuvah when I acted out inappropriately and did not know how to relate to me nor did they understand/know what was happening. I am repentant to the Board of Directors for putting them in a position of distress and disturbance. I am repentant to the people who feel as if I have abandoned them. I am repentant to my family for the moments when they thought I was too busy for them. I am repentant to my wife for all of my actions that distressed her and still do. I am repentant to myself for the actions that I took without thinking it through. I forgive the people who I believe have harmed me, I forgive the people I have resented who will never ask for forgiveness, I forgive myself for the errors I have made. I commit to being a better human being in 5785 and changing into being more of who I truly am. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark