Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 302
“We do not know with what we must serve until we arrive there (Exodus 10:26). “All our service, all the good deeds we are doing in this world, we do not know whether they are of any value, whether they are really pure, honest or done for the sake of heaven, - until we arrive there-in the world to come, only there shall we learn what our service was here”(Rabbi Isaac Meir of Ger). (God in Search of Man pg. 394)
Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom above reminds us to, as my friend and first sponsor Steve Abrams taught me early in my recovery, leave our minds open enough to have them changed. The human need for certainty is so strong that we believe we must always “have the right answer”, ‘know exactly what to do’ and defend our decisions, our actions to the death rather than admit we do not know. Our world is one in which ‘not knowing’ leaves one susceptible to being ridiculed, laughed at, scorned; so we continue to be afraid to say “we do not know”.
Living in uncertainty takes a strong spirit, it takes great ego strength, it takes a willingness to “not know” and to forge ahead anyway. While the commandments, the different faith traditions, the myriad of spiritual disciplines available to us all give us paths to travel, we cannot say with certainty: this is the path, this is the correct one way to understand. Yet, human beings have engaged in seeking ‘the one right way’ and the teaching above comes to remind us not to be so certain of the rightness of our choices, the correctness of our actions, the surety of our service.
We are taught that there are 70 ways to understand the Torah/Bible, there are a myriad of opinions in the Talmud as to how to fulfill a mitzvah, how to serve God, how to serve our neighbors, which leads to the uncertainty of the above verse from Exodus. Most human beings live in fear of being wrong, of not getting an “A” in life, so we impose our will, our need for certainty, our defending ourselves and our actions to the death, all of which go against the principle of T’Shuvah, go against the value of asking for and granting forgiveness to one another, and which cause us confer “cruel and unusual punishment” on people we can control and upon ourselves. In our “need to be right”, we ignore the teaching and wisdom of both Exodus and Rabbi Isaac Meir of Ger, the Gerer Rebbe. Not knowing causes such consternation that we have made up “alternative facts” to prove our point, we have followed ‘false messiahs” to our ruin, we have succumbed to authoritarian governments and been authoritarian bosses, parents, etc. We make up stories that we are being this way “for their own good” so we can fulfill the need inside of us to be certain, to put on the armor of power in order to not face our own fallibility, our own fear of uncertainty, our hiding.
Living in this moment, not being imprisoned by our past, learning from our past and from history, knowing we are doing the best we can right now are hallmarks of our recovery. Being in recovery is, to me, what all spiritual disciplines, all faiths come to help us with, mandate us to engage in. Religion and spirituality go hand in hand, as I understand Rabbi Heschel, the Gerer Rebbe, the different codified texts of both Eastern philosophies and Western Faith traditions. They all are written with eternal truths and wisdom, with terse language that is open to interpretation, and a myriad of stories that lend themselves to engaging our souls to be present, to live in the uncertainty of this moment and to learn/relearn how to live into “we do not know”. Every person needs to engage in T’Shuvah, inventory, amends, learning from our past, learning the lessons our personal and human history give us. This month of Elul and this Shabbat we celebrate the Jewish New Year are the Jewish tradition’s of acknowledging the “we do not know with what we must serve”, leading us to Yom Kippur where we will renew our relationship with God, we will ask for forgiveness for our “missing the mark” with God, with ourselves.
I have given the impression of ‘knowing what I am doing’ while acknowledging my uncertainty. The way I have answered people when they asked me: “what if this doesn’t work” is to say it all works because we will learn what we need to do to tweak our responses, tweak our ways of doing things. Yet, I did not always follow my own wisdom, I did not always acknowledge my own “we do not know”. In reflection, I recognize the way my being ‘a bull in a china shop’ harmed people, harmed my mission, harmed me. For this, I am deeply remorseful. I also know that this way of being in the work, being aware of where and when I missed the mark and hit the mark, allowed me and those around me to pivot when needed, to refine how to serve, when to serve, where to serve, whom to serve. “We do not know” keeps me humble and open to learning! God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark