Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 3 Day 232
“Is this the way and goal of existence: to study, grow, toil, mature, and to reach the age of retirement in order to live like a child? After all, to be retired does not mean to be retarded.” (Insecurity of Freedom pg. 74)
Continuing on in Rabbi Heschel’s essay “To Grow in Wisdom”, the question he poses is even more relevant than it was 63 years ago! Retirement is about “the golden years” as Del Webb coined this phrase in 1959 so he could sell his “Over 55” communities to people. He did a fantastic job! His properties sell out and because of all the amenities and clubs his “over 55” communities offer, people stay and love it-full disclosure, I am one of those who live and love a Del Webb community. There is a myriad of activities here, from astronomy to weaving, sports from golf to pickle ball and bocce ball, beautiful grounds to walk on and just sit and admire nature. Yet, there are few activities that engage the inner life. Yes, there are religious services and, as we all know, religion doesn’t always engage the inner life!
People talk louder to older adults, we get emails that are in size 15-16 font because it is assumed we can’t see nor hear. We are subjected to various other indignities like ‘oh you look so young for your age’, ‘do you mind if I go in front of you because you walk so slow’, etc. People speak of us in the third person like ‘how are we doing today’-as if we know how the other person is doing or that we have the temerity to speak for another person whom we may or may not know. We are given different speeches on how we have to stay active and don’t fall, how we have to keep our minds sharp and ‘don’t worry your pretty little head over this’.
People are used to treating older people as children, our children believe they should make decisions for us because, ‘well, you know, mom is getting up there in years and can’t think so well anymore’ and other such poppycock! Granted there are a million scammers who prey on older adults and some fall for these scams not because they are dumb, rather because they are in disbelief that someone would lie about their grandchildren, lie about being from medicare, etc. Young people get scammed also-as a former con man, I didn’t take advantage of older adults, it was the young ones who were/are more susceptible to ‘get rich quick’, ‘something for nothing’ deals than the older ones were.
As we age, we are not descending into childhood. Age is not a disease, it is not something we have to treat as an illness nor a burden. One of the issues is most of us are not prepared for old age, however one defines old age, because we have placed so much emphasis on being young, on plastic surgery to keep looking young, on trying to have the bodies of 20-year-old when we are 70, especially when we didn’t have that body when we were 20. We want to keep up with technology which changes so fast, we want to stay ‘hip’ for our grandchildren and other family members. Most of all, we don’t want to be seen as needing to be cared for. We are desperate to hold onto our dignity, which society and our children at times seem hellbent on taking away from us. We are no more or less worthy of respect, dignity, being seen as a human being than anyone who is younger than we. Many people are leaving “Ethical Wills” to their heirs along with the financial ones so their wisdom gets passed on.
The issue is, as Rabbi Heschel says above, we are not “retarded” because we age. We are, in most cases, more aware of the whole picture, we are aware of the errors we have made and uniquely able to spot trouble spots before they happen, we can track issues that can/will cause problems down the road because we have ‘been there, done that’ which means we are not only “not retarded” we are able to offer advice, wisdom, and insight that younger people just don’t have because they don’t have our experience. Aging gives us time to take a breath and realize the wisdom we have gained, it gives us the opportunity to develop a richer and more meaningful inner life and it allows us to deepen our connections to one another, to families, to the world. Because we have the time and are not caught up in ‘the rat race’ , we take a longer view of what is happening and what is in front of us because we have the experience. Yet, we are shunned to the ‘back of the bus’ with -‘thanks folks but you are not in it anymore, you don’t understand the way it is now’ going against the wisdom of the Bible that says “there is nothing new under the sun”.
The talk about Joe Biden being too old to be president while Donald Trump is only 3 years younger than him being ‘relevant and capable’ is another example of ageism, of prejudice and, of course political propaganda. Yet, older adults suffer from this same type of propaganda and prejudice all the time. I want to engage people in discussions about our inner life and, in my community, I am not seen as having any worth nor any wisdom about anything other than “addiction”, I was only good for helping “those people”. And, places here who help “those people” don’t think I have anything to offer after all my experiences. I am willing to help, I am wanting to learn with other people who seek a deeper connection to their inner life and I watch in horror as people believe talking down to a congregation with a smile and a ‘glad hand’ is what Judaism is about! It is hard to deal with a life without meaning-Plato taught us “an unexamined life is not worth living” and as I age, I am examining more and more. I want to share this wisdom with younger people, with older people, with everyone and, I am not always able to. This is another challenge to my inner life and it has given me the insight and wherewithal to write everyday, to find old writings, engage an editor and begin to put them together in book form. This is my legacy, this is my gift, this is my obligation. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark